What is a child worth?
I just had to throw this article up. It’s somewhat satirical but gets at a real nut of truth about the reasons behind declining birth rates among the middle and upper classes in America and the developed world. Besides the obvious biological reason (failure to reproduce is genetic suicide) why would anyone want to have children in today’s hyper-stressed and challenging world. This is particularly true for men in light of the travesty that family law has become.
One wonders if it wouldn’t make more sense to merely donate sperm to win the genetic jackpot and forgo the risks and sacrifices of marriage and children altogether. The primary flaw of this strategy is the mothers of those potential offspring will be a motley assortment of aging unloved cougars and jackbooted feminist militants, hardly the environs one might wish upon a mortal enemy let alone one’s flesh and blood. So tell me gents, with the primary Alpha attitude being love ‘em and leave ‘em, would you ever want children and how do you plan to go about obtaining and positively influencing them sans marriage and fidelity. Will you practice polygamy? Keep flings on the side or knock them up and hope for the best? This paradox of desiring to win the genetic game by reproducing but eschewing marriage and indeed likely monogamy whatsoever is one that troubles me.
(Fortune Magazine) — What is the value of a child in modern Western industrial society? More specifically, what is the value of a middle-class or upper-middle-class or upper-class child in America? And does this have anything to do with the fact that the birth rate among American women has been falling for decades and that the age of first childbirth among educated women is far higher than among less-well-educated women?
Start with economics. People in a free society will choose to have more of something if its return exceeds its cost. On the other hand, people in a free society will choose to have less of a good or service if its value is less than its cost.
Now, what is a modern child? Obviously, not a good or service, but something more and also something less. Long ago, as we all know, humans had children because they liked having sex and because children had some value as assistant hunters and gatherers and keepers of the hearth.
Then, as society became more organized, families chose to have children because the parents (we assume) still liked having sex and the resulting children were helpful on the farm or the ranch or in the village smithy. The kids did not require much — just food and shelter and occasional loving and cuffing about to keep them in line.
Now we can have sex without having children. That is a major factor in life, but by itself it does not explain why people do not necessarily want to have kids.
Maybe the reason is largely because raising modern children is such a major pain in the neck. For one thing, thanks to a variety of factors, often parents have to struggle like galley slaves to get their offspring into private schools and pay for them.
The private school parent also has to pony up for every kind of lesson — ballet, horse, and music lessons, math tutoring, and chess club. The parent also has to drive the little ones to all of these events as well as to the “play dates” that lurk like unanesthetized colonoscopies in modern life. Then there is the most horrible event a healthy upper-middle-class American can have: social engagements with the parents of Junior’s classmates.
In other words, we are talking about child rearing as part unpaid chauffeur, part torture.
Then there is college and a real course in horrors getting the darling in somewhere that won’t embarrass you in front of your pals at the club. That’s before paying for the school, which is a stunning slap in the face. Total college costs at a “prestige” school can easily touch $70,000 a year, real money for most people.
And after graduation day, what do you get for having the system holding you by your ankles and shaking all the money out of your pockets? You might have a son with a law degree who cannot get a job, a daughter with a film-school degree who works as a masseuse, or a musician who keeps you up all night with his drums.
You are very likely to have one who cannot spell “gratitude” and has a sense of entitlement that would make Marie Antoinette blush. How many of each kind have you observed with your own eyes? I might add that by pure luck, my wife and I do have a dutiful, helpful son and daughter-in-law. How this happened I am not quite sure.
But my son is an aberration, as far as I can tell. Look around you. The costs and benefits of having children in affluent America are wildly off kilter. Too much cost, too little reward. Often the cost-benefit analysis of children prints out “Get a German shorthaired pointer instead.”
Many people are doing that, and the birth rate is collapsing. But if we stop having enough children, because their value is so low relative to their cost, the society grinds down. It’s happening right now. The native-born upper middle class barely replace themselves in America, if they do at all. In a way we are committing suicide as a class, possibly in part because of the burdens of child rearing in modern life.
What is the net present value of a child in modern America? Often, it’s difficult to find much, and thereby hangs a question mark over our future as a nation, at least as we have known it.
Ben Stein is an actor, lawyer, writer, and economist who also appears in commercials as a spokesman for various companies.
Have your say here fella’s.
Wow, Ben Stein wrote that?
I’m not an alpha with the attitute of “love em and leave em,” I’m the beta provider type. And still, I’m not gonna have kids. That’s too much sacrifice and distraction from my life.
All just to fulfill some innate desire because of genetics? No, thanks.
I think this isn’t a satire.
The fact is a child is an extreme burden with a very small payoff: the child’s possible love.
If the drive to have some kind of legacy wasn’t so strong, I think the birth rates would be even lower.
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If the drive to have some kind of legacy wasn’t so strong, I think the birth rates would be even lower.
Honestly I think if it weren’t for accidental pregnancy most of us would not be here. Stein used satire to blunt the hard edge of a truthful statement. One which should be obvious. Kids are an economic liability.
Anony,
You are wise to avoid bringing unwanted children into the world. It would be harmful to you both. I myself have been on the fence since throwing off the standard expectations I was raised with and viewing it as a choice rather than simply “what one does.” As I get older I do feel a greater affinity for the idea and more prepared for the possibility. I, like most men I think, view having children as a potential desire based on a contingency. If circumstances were right, I could do it and part of me does wish to have my own family. I also however, know that I don’t want to do so in the conventional way given the state of American family law and what I know of human nature. I need the confluence of ideal circumstances and an alternative approach that works for me but protects my interests from exploitation by a rabid ex should such come to pass and ensures my children are protected from the family law system and the vagaries of human nature and emotion. Lacking such contingencies I will default to no children and certainly then no marriage. With the desire for children some form of commitment is I think essential, with a nod to reason in the form of a bulletproof pre-nup.
The two main causes of declining birth rate are financial and biological. Common knowledge is that kids cost $200,000 to raise… to the average individual that is a house. I’m sure that that doesn’t include private school or college money.
Biologically speaking men have lower sperm count, less testosterone and women are having kids at a later year due to careers, thus it is harder for couples to get pregnant and have healthy babies. Hormonal therapy can do so much, the fact that 18 year old sperm is healthier than a 30 year olds. But the predicament is if you have a child at 18 then you are usually damned to eternal financial ruin. So most people usually get their career or job together before making kids. Too bad marriage is also declining so all in all having every factor in place is hard in this modern world. Blame feminism and modernization.
Strange I have different view on children. I see them as opportunity to create some wonderful creature. Just like musician creates some great musical masterpiece, to me it would be challenge to create some great kid. It demands extreme patience, wisdom, knowledge about psychology and so on but I think it’s worth it.
The costs of having children today are certainly daunting, but isn’t the point of being an Alpha to copulate with as many females as possible in order to produce lots and lots of offspring with your superior genetics?
It’s not hard to imagine that in the times prior to reliable birth control and paternity tests alpha males relied on the fact that they could impregnate multiple lovers and leave the child rearing to the beta chumps.
Evolutionarily that is indeed the case, but in the civilized world today, any man with self interest will prevent multiple unwanted pregnancies. In theory one might be protected if the woman is married but the precedent for this has been successfully challenged and isn’t worth the risk.
I will just tell you, having my first child the other day, a beautiful healthy son who i have a million things to teach, that there is quite a chemical rush in seeing a part of yourself in your son even when he is less than an hour old. That rush must have been so incredibly strong, stronger than any drug, that not only did the first man become so addicted even his future offspring became addicted.
I have not been more elated or euphoric in my entire life. I realize this is physiological. Just thought I’d share.
Anyway I’m what the PUA community calls a natural. Even before game I turned down more pussy than most people will ever get. ( More with my wedding ring than before. ) “This paradox of desiring to win the genetic game by reproducing but eschewing marriage and indeed likely monogamy whatsoever is one that” troubled me, as well.
Ultimately, I chose marriage, and most likely monogamy, though I am trying to convince my wife that polyamory would not decrease my love or commitment to her in the slightest, and that it would just increase it.
I married a strong woman who comes from a loving, stable, old world family who I have absolute faith would raise my child right, in the event I died or had to flee the country and go into exile.
I do think what Ben Stein is saying is true. Raising children the way the current upper and middle class does is not worth my current state of euphoria. The current upper and middle classes are already realizing this fact, and are going to slowly die off and be outbred by the working classes. See the movie idiocracy? I don’t think the future is that grim, but it also has a nut of truth.
I plan to raise my kid under the assumption that we are living in revolutionary times due mostly to the propagation of social networking and democratized publishing / information sharing, and that the class structure in America as we know it is about to go the way of the Compact Disc. As such, private school and private lessons are not in his future. A free, open source education that is a million times richer, however, is.
So I’m not to worried about this dilemma in the way that Ben Stein’s rich white ass is. I’m actually kind of hopeful. Our corrupt, feminized, bourgeoisie dictatorship is on its way out. Something brand new is on its way up.
I can’t wait to enjoy this development with my son. I view the movements for masculinity and hard science against feminism and the development of radically democratic, technological, libertarian socialist institutions as being inherently connected.
Maybe I’m cynical, but I fail to see the satire in that article. It comes very close to the truth – I would not care for the money so much if there was any upside to be seen in having kids.
I want to remain independent – kids are the single best way to forfeit that. (Interestingly, roissy posted a very detailed article concerning a very similar theme)
That’s great to avoid it if you don’t want them or view them solely as an unwanted burden. Spare the poor child that fate. For those who do though, and for society at large, these questions merit examination.
Wow! A sensible column from Ben Stein. I never really believe most of his financial advice, but this column is pretty good.
the investment required to produce a ‘productive’ member, read that: successful, of society has skyrocketed. the number of college students unable to find work, incapable of self-sustenance is staggering….we’ve crafted world in which simply getting to head above water proves difficult as hell. then of course comes the related cost. i assume that in my 40’s i will settle down with a young, hot, brazilian woman to sire my offspring…but not something i’ve overtly decided as definite.
I echo Jonathan,
I can’t wait to have more kids with a suitable woman. I hate what it does to my sex life. I hate that it will turn my woman into a bitch to me. I hate the time commitment doing shit that a man shouldn’t do. But it is worth it in the long run.
I grew up poor and I’ve made an assload of money in my life. I know that buying material shit doesn’t make you happy. What money does is give you power. Power to change things for the better, power to relax, and power to fuck and impregnate the best women in the world who are dying to have your children.
Yep, money = freedom, the more the better.
Good post nice article. Because it makes you think. The thing is exactly most of the stuff the dude talked about that was expensive was about him being embarrased or whatnot like a little bitch. Needing to spend money on things that are not needed.
My wife adopted a kid last year and she has supported herself with her businesses for that time since she adopted him. No big deal. I mean I want to have a hundred kids. I need them to have people I can trust run my empire. Sure some of them will not be interested some will. The thing about the college is that it is not of value directly. If you teach your kids a trade along with the philisophical then guess what they are always in demand. When I was in iraq the master electricians made the same money as camp managers because they where the only ones that could do the job. They had to be certified It is about getting the right education. Guys that had hvac certifications could quit and have no problem coming back because they where in demand. Mechanics can work anywhere they want. If you have an actual skill with the credentials you have a job is how it works. A college degree guarrentees nothing. Going to raise my family to believe in family. As in putting loot into the family fund for the benefit of everyone. So when we start pumping a million a month into it then guess what we are buying the equivelant of a mcdonals a month. Yea money is going to be a thing that will not be a problem. I want my family to be able to get business loans from the family. I want my kids to have the secret of life which is just work your ass off and save money beat life and when I tell them after that they can do anything they want it will be the truth and the truth will set you free.
Oh yea only problem with the camp managers is they usually lasted around 3 months and were fired. So there is your college degree job lol
True enough Regi,
I said the same in my education posts a while back. I think the ideal is to get a trade, then get a college education while earning a real income part time and paying as you go. Wish my folks would have pushed me in that direction. In any event I have got my education and thrived, but many today aren’t so lucky. What you say about building family wealth and self insuring/financing is truth. I work with many wealthy families and this is precisely what is done when multigenerational wealth is consciously created and maintained. Each generation gets a bit of a boost over their predecessors while their middle-income peers live independent lives and squander their means on depreciating assets. I have begun a trust with my siblings for the benefit of our descendents and each will have access to it for approved reasons provided they fund it at a predetermined minimal level that scales up as your income does. I think this is key. Get your kids self sufficient without debt and instill a strong family ethic in them and an entrepreneurial spirit and you almost can’t lose.
I do have to say thought that I didn’t make it to the google like side of the company I worked for because I didn’t have a college degree. I got the interview and seemed like I got the job, No dice though. It was perfect for me no specific time to be there. You just made sure you worked your 12 houra and produced. I can remedy that by learning programming though. But yea it was a lost opportunity.
But yea why I think numbers of kids is where it is at to have real empire building power starting from scratch per se. 2 or 3 kids not sure how they will go. 20 kids and you know gonna have some contenders in there.
””””””What you say about building family wealth and self insuring/financing is truth. I work with many wealthy families and this is precisely what is done when multigenerational wealth is consciously created and maintained. Each generation gets a bit of a boost over their predecessors while their middle-income peers live independent lives and squander their means on depreciating assets.”””””””””””
I look at my dads family on that and just think that if they would have worked together to save loot man they would have had some serious money. They already individually have some pretty decent loot between em but if they would contribute to come kind of fund could be ludicrous.
So yea hopefully I start that tradition and it continues after I am gone and my descendants beat life the day they are born because they will know it is a set formula for beating system and told how to do so.
All the crap about luck or becoming a sportstar or famous for having something no one else has or all the situation put out there for becoming financially independant are to keep people thinking it takes some luck to be rich. It doesn’t. You can actually just save money. Sure you have to work more than the other guy and not spend but it is not rocket science.
Sure thing Regi. Here is the formula for wealth. Income – expenses = investable assets. Investable assets x time = wealth. We all have about the same time on earth, so we gotta start early to use it to our advantage. We all have a good deal of control over income, but the moderating expenses is where it’s at, like in the book “The Millionaire Next Door.” It’s not what you make but what you keep. What you keep grows, everything else is lost. As for family empires are made in the “corporate culture” you cultivate in your children by instilling these values early. More children means more incomes to leverage if they are all on the same page. Sounds like you have a good path laid for your offspring. Nice work.
Thanks for compliment and I may sound like a broken record sometimes but saving money tends to be like a broken record and tends to be pretty boring.
Formula makes sense.
”””Income – expenses = investable assets. Investable assets x time = wealth.””””””’
What I have found is that sure everyone has about the same amount of time but you can multiply yourself. While I was working and saving money my woman was using some investable assets to creat more investable assets to the point where the income was greater than her expenses. Now she is not an expense for me but an asset which I think is what guys should be doing now to protect themselves if they marry. When I go home her income will grow and be able to cover our expenses plus some investable assets. I won’t have to do anything towards the income side.
Now when I go back to work at some point almost a 100 percent will be investable assets because expenses are now taken care of by other means than my work.
So going back to work is to get a raise not to cover expenses.
I think some pretty good game too for woman to be working to become an asset and part of your family.
I think once you get to where you can save 10k a month is the sweet spot as that would give you 12 new woman per year who could start a business he he he
Still have to complete the first stage but it should be interesting when I bypass the first stage.